The Things We Can Never Have
by Chibi Star Vamp
Summary: Happiness always seemed unreachable to her, and just as she was close to getting it... she learned it was. Epilogue to "Sexuality". Warning: Contains yuri (femalexfemale)


I know I said I would never make a sequel to Sexuality, but this isn't a sequel, it's an epilogue, so it doesn't count and I've stayed true to my word.

You don't need to read Sexuality to figure out what's going on, but feel free to do so if you're naturally curious (does this count as a pun?). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one-chapter epilogue, which will officially end the series, completely.

Disclaimer: I do not own the original _Naruto_ characters; I only own my own, and the plot.

Enjoy!

* * *

Graduation.

In any academic career, it was the bulls-eye that one always aimed for. It was part of a set of milestones that was expected that everyone completed if they wanted to be successful in life. Whether one would admit to it or not, graduating was seen as one of the happiest moments in life.

"_I did it!" _A person could scream to the heavens, holding an important rolled-up parchment in their hand. _"I finally did it! I graduated!" _

But this happy moment was not seen by her as such. Waiting for her name to be called among the rows of the graduating class, she was only eager to finally accept the parchment, as it marked an escape route for her that she had unknowingly been digging for these past few years.

Turning her head slightly, she caught sight of the spiky-haired boy and red-haired girl who had made her past year-and-a-half of school, far too eventful for her liking. Albeit it being her fault for making such a bad move in the first place, they were the ones who kept it going for as long as they did — were and are.

As soon as she received that diploma, she would be free of the two of them. No longer would she have to be in their presence; having the spiky-haired boy stare her down with beastly looks that tried to reel her in with the promise of a pleasure that she did not care for. No longer would she have to be the receiver of dirty and hateful looks from the red-haired girl as she continued to loathe her very existence for betraying her in such a way.

(_I thought I loved you once, I honestly thought that was the case — but turns out that this was just my mind playing tricks on me. I never loved you; neither of you. I simply loved the holes in my life being filled by your existences — I was drawn to what you did, not to you as a person, but as a pawn for my selfish and unknowing desires._)

In her mind she had told the both of them that, and in reality as well. She had done so when they confronted her and asked for an explanation — when she had still continued to have a sexual relationship with the spiky-haired boy, because what other choice did she have? To not feel loved or wanted was something that was unnerving her, as it bit away at an insecurity that grew within her as she tried to reach a certain stable level of happiness.

She turned away from them and decided to look towards the future. Once she had the diploma in hand, the key to everything, she would only spend a few days at home before going off to her college. As she was studying abroad, it was imperative that she made it there as soon as she possibly could, get used to the atmosphere and begin to adapt, and then once classes finally started, she would have little obstacles in her way. She would be able to focus on her studies more intently, and have a greater sense of freedom as she was no longer locked in a cage in this country of Japan.

She tapped her feet in anticipation.

(_Come on… come on… call my name already — give me my freedom._)

* * *

"**Haruno Sakura."**

* * *

(_Finally!_)

* * *

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* * *

The Things We Can Never Have

(_Epilogue to __Sexuality_)

* * *

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* * *

_It was not quite the immediate freedom that she wanted, but she didn't mind spending just one more night in the cage. It was to be expected, no? After all, it was the same as graduating from her high school. She knew that despite how happy she had been when she finally got that paper in her hand and said her final words as valedictorian and marked the end of her and her classmates' high school careers, in a few years, she would look back at those days and miss them. Such was her case today; one more night of being in the cage before she fully broke free and never looked back — she swore._

* * *

As such, she had agreed to attend the surprise graduation party that the members of the church that her family went to, were throwing for her.

It had not been as surprising to her as some would think.

(—her mother was the pastor of the church, the very reason why she was so strict when it came to her raising of her only daughter. As pastor, she was loved by them all, and respected greatly. She had, after all, bought the gargantuan space with her own money and rescued the once-burnt building from crumbling into inexistence. She had an active hand in the construction, recruited with a passion that drew others in with little effort, and made sure that there were no problems in the building, and that the teachings were accurate.

The religion seemed to be given a whole new life by the hand of her mother. The members of the church greatly appreciated this, and whenever something happened to her mother or her or her father, they always showed her mother thanks by celebrating those moments to a great extent.

So it was not so much as something to honor her, but another way to show their appreciation for her mother by holding a large graduation celebration for her; it was rather selfish, if you asked her—)

As expected, it was held in one of the discussion halls of the church. The large space had many rooms that were just perfect for holding different-sized parties. The biggest room they had was currently being used for her and only her; overlooking the other church attendees her age that she knew graduated as well, that very day.

She mingled with them despite not wanting to. Smiling and accepting whatever it was that they offered her, she easily faked her way through the celebration until the very end when the final prayers were said for her (all variations of _"Have faith in the Lord and you will never fall into the darkness — He will save your soul and continue to guide you on the __right path__"_), the party was given its end and she and her family said their goodbyes to others and stayed behind with volunteers, to help clean up the space.

By the time they finally returned to their car and were heading home, it was incredibly dark and the clock read 8:30pm. As the celebration had started at around 4-4:30, she had been forced to stay in that particular section of her cage for over four hours.

* * *

She most definitely _would not miss it_.

* * *

"_Good night, Sakura. Make sure to get up early tomorrow morning so that you can finish packing for your flight to Germany."_

"_Good night, Mother. Thank you for everything." _

* * *

She fell back against her bed in a moment of sheer bliss. Pressing her favorite pillow to her face, she let out sighs of happiness as she inhaled the sweet, sweet scent that it gave off. Groaning in a somewhat erotic manner as the smell brought back memories and feelings that she had regrettably not been able to experience since her last day with its previous owner, her mind wandered as it tried to grasp the extent of her words.

That had been it.

That church service today was certainly her last one. Never again would she have to be in that stifling atmosphere with a well-drawn mask placed on her face that fooled everyone. Ah, if she was allowed to openly speak her mind or was fully-invested in the church, she knew that it would not have been as bad as it seemed. But that boat had sunk years ago due to an enigma of a cannonball that blasted a hole through and allowed her to feel sunshine; no matter how brief that moment had been.

That goodbye to her mother — it had been it.

It was exactly what needed to be said and done, showing off a perfect example of just what it was that she was about to leave behind. No more cold and overbearing mother; no more fake prayers and useless skims of the Holy Scriptures. No more memorizing of songs that she was forced to sing with a clarity that she honestly did not want, or be the lead of in the choir.

No more… no more…

She would be free forevermore…

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A few hours later, she was dressed in a new set of clothes — a great difference from the respectful and proper young lady of society attire that she had worn earlier that day. She had shed the knee-length and long-sleeved dress for her two-piece pajama set, and had now shed that for some clothing more appropriate for the night of debauchery that awaited her.

In the past months, her secret wardrobe had escalated from tight jeans and a midriff to little black dresses that were meant to hug her body as though it were a second skin. The one she wore went down to her thighs and had long sleeves, with loose moments in the fabric that hid her body shape, but still managed to make her look very attractive. The stretch bands at the end of the sleeves and bottom of the dress, as well as the neckline were what hugged her body best. The neckline hung low on her shoulders, attached to her biceps. It showed off her figure quite well despite how loose it was, and paired with the black strapped heels that she wore, the illusion of longer legs was given to her.

She pulled back her pink hair with a black headband and wore pearl earrings and had some gold bangles on her wrist. With a small touch of pink lip-gloss and some eyeliner, she looked every part of an older and more mature female that was out to hunt for a male companion for the night.

(That was not the case, though. Despite her clothing, she wore it only as a way to tease the spiky-haired boy, who had invited her to attend the celebration for their graduating class. Seeing as how one last run was the perfect way to kiss it off, she agreed and had settled on going all-out in this last lap of her caged life. She could already feel his sexual advances, all of which she would turn down until he could take no more — but by that point, she would already have drunk herself into oblivion and wouldn't give a care in the world.)

She finished her look, grabbed whatever it was that she would need, and the text on the cell-phone that had been awarded to her some while back, told her that her ride was outside. Opening the window of her room, she thanked having it on the first floor of her house as she easily slid out, closed the window and made her way across her lawn and soon entered the slick black car of the dark-haired male.

He eyed her as she entered, inhaled her perfume, and could have taken her then and there if it weren't for the fact that she sat in the back and told him, _"Hurry up. I don't want the bar to be out of anything good to drink because you were pathetically slow."_

* * *

She truly made things go at her own pace.

* * *

(She would admit that in the past few months, she had gone through a dramatic change. Compared to when her exploration of different sexualities began, she was much more crueler, unforgiving. She coldly brushed off his attempts to get closer to her — going far beyond what she had done when he first pursued an honest-to-goodness relationship with her.

She had had several side-relationships besides him. Some including females, others a quick fling with another male. She'd even taken part in a few threesomes that, while intriguing to do, weren't exactly something that she always wanted to do. Having to compete for someone's attention — that's not something that she's liked.

She had developed a taste for alcohol. She had honestly thought that she'd start smoking the same brand as the one who shook her world, but that had not been the case. She had never drank alcohol until one night when this male that she was currently with had taken her to a club. She had refused all types of alcohol, but had unknowingly drunk some that was clear and was supposedly "tinted water", as he had called it. She didn't remember much after that, but like usual, the two of them had woken-up in a hotel and the spiky-haired boy seemed quite pleased with himself. One would think that she would be mad, but she knew that they would end up there.

And she loved the feeling.

Not having been able to remember a single thing from the past night, she loved that alcohol made the time they spent together, shorter. She loved that she was in a whole other world while under its influence and that she could tolerate annoying existences longer.

Now, wherever they went, she didn't hesitate in accepting a drink. _"Gimme one that'll make the night short," _she would always say to the bartender or waiter who asked for what they wanted. And they always pleasantly delivered.

How she loved that world. In it the presence of the spiky-haired boy was replaced fully, and she could dream that the one that she was with was the green-streaked girl that her heart had locked on since a few months back, when she realized that the one she truly wanted to be with, was the one who would determine whether she was "ruined" or not.)

* * *

The party that they were going to was in honor of their graduation. The committee of seniors planning it had managed to rent-out a factory that was always used for gathering, and was the perfect location to go crazy. It was by the pier and they could be as loud as they wanted, without the cops having to come, as the factory was infamous for its wild parties that never needed police-intervention.

Already things were in full-swing when they arrived, and while the blaring music and colorful lights made it seem like the perfect place to be, she honestly couldn't care less. All she wanted to do was get in, sit down, and get the drinks rolling.

The spiky-haired boy parked the car and she got out without him. She headed to the entrance without him. She found a seat and called a waiter without him. (He was just an unnecessary accessory to her, with little actual function.) He got there when the waiter was just about to leave, managing to put his own order in just in time before sitting across from her. As she was not interested in him at all besides the end of this evening that would mark the official end of this arc in her life, she paid no attention to him or his words.

"_You look beautiful tonight…"_

"_Congratulations on being valedictorian."_

"_What are you going to do as your career?"_

"_What college are you going to?"_

"…_Can I get at least __one__ response?"_

She kept her attention everywhere but on him; the loud music and movement of bodies trying to mold into each other, easily giving her something to direct it to besides the annoyance that was the spiky-haired male. She kept her eyes on the bar and the door; watching people that looked much more interesting than the one person that she was with, come in and out.

(The red-haired girl was there. She came in with a group of friends that stuck-out easily in the underground atmosphere. They kept looking left and right, excited and somewhat nervous as to the space, and huddled closely together. That was the only entertaining thing about them; the fact that this was the first time that they were ever in that type of underground atmosphere.)

She watched more patrons come in, and the waiter finally arrived with their drinks. She didn't hesitate in taking the glass and straw that was given to her, and starting on her drink — her eyes still on the door and watching more people come in and few people go out.

There were several people that weren't from her school, and they tended to be the ones who went out with an annoyed look on their face. While they had rented it, that didn't mean that the managers of this place had sent out information saying that the space was in private use. In fact, she was sure that they would never do that as it meant more income for the night. But while they went out, they later came back in and mixed with her graduate class to the point where they all looked the same to her.

Watching the night go on, she was halfway done with her drink when a new set of people carrying instrument cases came in.

It was an all-girls band that—

* * *

She nearly choked on her drink.

* * *

"_What's wrong?"_

She ignored the male and grabbed the nearest set of napkins as she began to wipe her face. Trying to see if what she saw was truly reality and not her eyes playing tricks on her, she stood from the booth and tried to get a better look. Eventually she stood on the chair to see the crowd much better; her eyes focusing on one person.

When she spotted them, she analyzed them at a great pace.

(_No…. it couldn't be…_)

"_Sakura?"_

She left the booth and the male there behind and began to make her way through the crowd. Her aim was the backstage where the band group of girls was headed to set up for the live performance that would later take place that night.

It was hard cutting through the dance-floor and teenagers that were interested in things opposite of hers and could not sense nor cared that she was in a hurry, but eventually she made it through. As there was no guard, she easily got into the back of the stage and did her best to search without getting caught; just in case this was a mistake and could cause her some trouble.

When she finally located the one that she had been looking for, her heart stopped. She watched the girl closely and studied everything about her.

She had an athletic body with a nice shape to it that was properly shown in the jeans that she wore and the midriff that she had on with the black straps of her bra, which held up a pair of averagely-sized breasts, showing. She wore boots that had spikes on top of the area where her toes were, and her hair was a solid black color with one lone, long green streak on the left side that slightly covered her eye depending on how much movement there was. Her eyes were what stood out to her the most; mismatched with one blue and the other yellow. There were silver ball piercings in the dimples of her cheeks that she noticed off of the glint they gave. There was a tattoo on her wrist that she mistook for a bracelet, whose pattern she could not identify. But what she focused on most was the brand of the pack of cigarettes that stuck out from her back pocket.

She knew that brand; it was the same brand that she would burn on both ends and just inhale as a sense of nostalgia and euphoria overcame her.

* * *

"_Kin, where's the extension for my guitar? Did we bring it?"_

* * *

She couldn't breathe.

* * *

(_K-kin… Kin… Kin… i-it's really her… it's really Kin…!_)

Her hands went up to clutch at her chest. Her nails dug into the cloth and the skin underneath as her heart pounded violently on end.

(_It's not a coincidence, right? T-this isn't a joke, right? The Kin here is the one that… the one that I've missed so much, right? The one who started to mess me up, the one who helped me break free from my bubble, the one who got me so confused and bitter and angry and sad that she forced me to realize that there was more to life and helped me be more normal, the one who forced my mom to send me off for three years to another school because she felt that I was becoming impure. _

_The one who… the one who…_)

She could feel herself choking up as she watched another band-mate come up to the girl and speak to her. It was all very similar to all those years ago. She spoke the same, had the same attitude, and her movements and the way she twirled an absent cigarette in her hand was the same. She even wore the same black nail-polish as back then.

(_That has to be her… The one I've wanted to see again for so long!_

_The one who made me fall in love!_)

* * *

She debated whether she should go forward and talk to her. A large part of her wanted to run into her arms and cry and have the type of heart-touching reunion that meant that all would be good and perfect in the world and that she would no longer have to struggle on the battlefield of love in life because she was with the one who had unknowingly stolen her heart all those years ago and then left her life abruptly and all would just be perfect from here on out.

It was what she _craved_ like no other.

But the more sober part of her said that there were faults in that. What if she didn't remember her? What if those few weeks that they had spent when she was young and foolish and blind were meaningless to her and just another… fling? What if one of the most life-changing moments in her life were useless and just another regular set of days for her and nothing special enough for her to remember?

What if… what if…

These what-ifs kept her back. These what ifs were what forced her to start to creep away from the girl. These what-ifs, while supposedly minor, had an effect on her that could break her down if they turned out to be true. They could destroy her — they could _ruin_ her.

With shaky breaths she began to move back and head out. Her feet felt like they had anchors on the bottom of them as she continued to head to the exit of the backstage area.

She couldn't handle having these what-ifs be true, and her fantasies of love and a struggle ending be false. She preferred being in her current world, dreaming about happiness with her Kin and a heart-stopping romance that brought miracle tears to her eyes, while having a reality that was much less crueler.

In a week she would be in Germany, and there she would be more free and could hopefully find a new source of happiness there. She would continue to dream about the day where she would meet her Kin and they would have an endless love that no one could ever experience no matter how much they tried. That was safer. That was better; that would keep her from shattering if she ever heard this Kin that she was looking at say, _"Who're you?... Sakura?... I don't remember any Sakura."_

* * *

"_Hey, A-tan, I thought I asked you to go back to the van and get the— wait a minute… you're not A-tan... Who are—"_

The world wouldn't let her continue to live in her fantasies, apparently, as the one whom she had gone into a debate over approached her, having confused her for someone else. The sound of her voice nearby had startled her that she couldn't move, and while she hoped that she would continue to think that she was this "A-tan" person that she was talking about, that had not been the case.

It had worked for a moment, but she deciphered that she was not the one that she was looking for.

"_Sa…kura…?" _

The sound of her name made her turn around, and she came face-to-face with those seem blue and yellow eyes that, years ago, she believed were a sign that could help her decipher the truth that was the world.

(—because blue and yellow made green, and her eyes were green—)

Her green eyes widened as she looked at her more and more. The longer she looked, the longer her mind was able to evolve that image of Kin from years ago, from when she first met her at a social church gathering that her parents threw, into a much older version of her that she was looking at now.

_If Kin dyed her hair back to its original black, but kept a lone green streak that grew and grew… If Kin got herself a tattoo of… flowers on her wrist a few years later… If Kin continued to grow at a regular pace, if Kin kept the piercings in her cheeks, if Kin kept smelling like peppermint with the distinctive cigarette smoke surrounding her…_

"_K-kin…" _She finally said.

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.

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"_I can't talk with you now, but I will later. Since you can't stay backstage unless we're here, go stand in the front row and listen. Then you can come back here when I'm here, and I'll introduce you to the girls and we can hang, okay?"_

"_Okay."_

* * *

The performance was great. With a weight lifted off of her shoulders that just moments ago seemed as though it would crush her, she fully enjoyed the group as they struck cords and created the perfect marriage of vocals to go along with it that just added to the atmosphere of the factory-club and made everything seem better.

She had received a surprise in the middle of the performance when Kin pulled her up on the stage and said that she would sing with them. She'd been hesitant to do so, saying that she couldn't sing (a clear lie since she was in the choir at the church that she would never go to again), but Kin saw through this and told her that all would be fine; she just had to sing a few notes that matched the ones she sung.

She did so. And during the performance, she was able to sing while looking into Kin's eyes, as though the two of them were serenading each other.

It was heavenly, and in the end of it as the crowd cheered, she looked out into the audience of her graduating class mixed with the regular patrons of the club, and had somehow spotted the spiky-haired boy.

He looked grumpy; he had probably been trying to find her since she ran off, and now that he finally saw her having fun by herself as she was up on the stage, he was none-too-happy that she was fooling around without him. But even his face couldn't put a damper on her mood; a sense of happiness that not even alcohol could bring her. Looking at his face, she only saw her past, and looking at Kin, she saw both a long, unforgiving past and a possible future brighter than the stars.

* * *

A while later, when half of the full performance was over and the band was scheduled for a break, Kin said goodbye to her band-mates for the time being and the two of them began to hang out together. They got a booth on the barely second floor of the factory and began to talk while drinking lightly; normally she would ask for something much, much heavier, but for once, she didn't want to have alcohol wipe her memory clean of the events that would go on that night.

Even if it was just the moments of when she met Kin and sang with her, she wished that she could have life record them and replay them over and over in her mind.

_They talked about a lot of things._

Kin told her about the band and how they got started; how she did it on a whim after coming to that very place and wanting to perform there. She talked about how she had graduated that year too (that very morning), and was planning on going around the world before she settled done in some foreign country and lived there for as long as she wanted. She had no clear plan for the future; she just wanted to be happy.

She responded by stating some of the basics; she left out things such as her exploration of the opposite and same sex, and the current situation that she was in, but she told Kin that she graduated too, and was planning on heading to Germany and study medicine.

"_The world is your oyster, Sak."_ Kin commented, finding the things that she was telling her to be quite impressive.

"_It's nothing; I just got lucky."_

They continued their conversation, which, with a bowl of cheese-covered fries shared between the two, led to less light topics and they talked about some of the things that they had to go through.

Kin had been living alone after her parents kicked her out for finding out that she enjoyed the touch of the same sex, among other things. She had been saved by her girlfriend at the time, and had gotten used to living alone and managed to find her own place after the two of them broke-up. She had managed to keep-up with her studies and graduated fairly high in her class ranking, and had even been accepted to some top-class universities to study art and music.

She then told her about her struggles with her parents and some of the changes that she went through. Kin seemed surprised about these things, but told her that she could tell that she had reset her life quite a number of times.

"_It's just in the way you speak and look, Sak. I had a hard time believing that it was you because you looked __nothing__ like that girl I met when she was still oblivious to the harsh cruelties of life… Ah… I wonder what caused this." _She winked at her, stating that she knew that it was all her fault. Her face lit up like a red Christmas light at this, before she looked away and sipped at her drink silently.

Kin laughed.

* * *

"_I won't be able to talk to you again later today — we've got other things to do. But… if you want… you can come along."_

She didn't have to think about it.

"_I'd love to!" _

* * *

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* * *

The next morning, she woke up in unfamiliar territory. It was a place she didn't know, nor the one she usually woke up at. There were smells and colors around her that she had no clue could be combined together, and while she was nude and there was a satisfying feeling coming off of her body that told her something _good_ had happened, looking to her side, there was no one there.

Confused, she began to walk around.

She found the dress that she had worn and put it on without any underwear after an unsuccessful scavenger hunt for them. Feeling around, she found that she wasn't in a hotel room, but someone's personal room. The bottles of liquor on a table to the side of the bed gave her an explanation as to why she couldn't remember a thing, and the headache that she had (the only reason she wasn't affected by it much was because she had expected something like this to happen, and actually found some solace in it).

Looking for something that could help her clearly identify where it was that she was, she let out a small gasp of surprise as the bedroom door opened.

The one who came in was a beautiful female that wore nothing but a sports bra and tight shorts, and held a coffee mug in her hand. It took her awhile, but the sight of her colorings suddenly made everything come into play and she couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face.

"_I knew you would have more skill than back then, but I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. Come on. Take off that dress and come have breakfast with me."_

"_You… want me to eat naked?"_

"_I never said you had to be naked, but I'm not stopping you."_

*smirk*

*blush*

"_Feel free to wear what you want; I think we're the same size, more or less. I'll be waiting for you down the hall, Sak."_

* * *

That morning was one of the best. Sitting there with Kin and having breakfast and just being able to talk and be herself was the greatest thing she had ever experienced. Everything prior to that moment — to that night that led to this wonderful moment — had suddenly paled in comparison (even when they first met was dulled down compared to the magnificence of what was happening now).

She laughed and joked. She got to hear Kin play a beautiful melody on her acoustic guitar and she could feel her heart just began to swell as it got recharged with this much needed feel of love that was just erupting from their time together.

In Kin's oversized shirt and with a pair of similar shorts to hers, on, the free feeling she got was not just metaphorical but also physical.

They watched some movies, ate whatever was in the fridge and even chased each other around the house a couple times. Even though it'd been a few hours, it felt like they had been living together for centuries on end. And eventually, she found herself pressed against a wall with Kin giving her a shower of kisses that needed no extra help in making her feel like she was on fire.

Her hands found themselves in Kin's black hair and as Kin worked her way down from her neck, she was forced to hold onto whatever else was near her to help her keep a grip on life. As the wall was a flat surface, she stretched and found its corner that led in and out of it, and held onto that. She tried to hold in her voice as Kin pushed all the right buttons and got the perfect reactions, but she eventually couldn't hold it in anymore when the sensations became too much.

"_Ah, Sak… your moans are so cute…" _

"_Ngh… K-kin… Ah!" _She was certain that if her life was being drawn out, there would have been hearts at the end of each sentence that came out of her mouth.

When she couldn't keep herself propped up on the wall anymore, Kin giggled and helped her back up. In a haze they went to the closest surface that they could use, the couch in the living room, and continued off there. Their limbs entangled, their bodies pressed against each other endlessly, and their mouths found different places to kiss and meet.

Eventually everything went white multiple times and she snuggled into Kin at the very end; and once again that glorious peppermint smell was mixed in with her cigarette smoke as Kin lit one just like she always did.

She stared at the light with a content smile on her face, and Kin, having sensed that she was being stared at, turned around to look at her and let out a brief laugh.

"_This can be considered voyeurism, you know. You're staring at me while I'm naked — don't make me get handcuffs and arrest you."_

"_I doubt you'd arrest me with those handcuffs."_

As though to reward her, Kin kissed her with the cigarette smoke still in her mouth. Just like on the night of their first meeting, the bitter sweet taste of what was naturally Kin combined with the cigarette smoke entered her mouth — but unlike that night, she loved it more than she hated it; she didn't hate it at all.

Kin removed her mouth, and she let loose the cigarette smoke that had been placed inside of her. Kin laughed (oh how she loved that laugh), and then said something that seemed to just make her heart melt to its capacity.

"_I got this tattoo because of you."_ She said as she showed her, her left hand and brought her attention to the flower-design tattoo on her wrist. _"After those few weeks, I couldn't forget about you. You could say that I was worried or that I missed you, but I know that there was more love mixed in there than anything. This world is fucked up and I was scared as to how it would treat you, so I got it as a sort of… offering to it so that nothing bad would ever happen to you…."_

"_Kin…"_

"_I love you, Sakura, I honestly do. I never want anything terrible to happen to you. I want you to be happy and healthy and live the life you want. I want—"_

She stopped her by kissing her. Kin was caught off guard, but accepted it. The kiss was sweet and short, but it meant more than any of the other kisses they had ever shared. When it was over, they pulled away slowly.

"_Sakura…"_

"_I… I missed you so much. I was confused at first and wasn't sure about what I wanted — I didn't know if the people I wanted to be with were truly the ones that were meant for me — but in the end, I went back to you. For __months__ I've wanted to see you and be with you. I've wanted you to hold me and kiss me and love me and make me feel… happy. Kin, if you truly want me to be happy, then… then… let me be with you. And let me love you to the very end… __Please__…"_

* * *

"_Sakura… I… I'm not good for you. I'm a terrible person, trust me."_

"_I don't care."_

"_I'll hurt you. I really will."_

"_I don't care."_

"_You have such a bright future and all I'll ever do is struggle for everything I have. Right now is fun, but I don't want to hold you back."_

"_My future was fabricated for me. So I don't care."_

"…_Love won't last forever."_

"_I don't care."_

"_I'll probably fuck you up real good at one point."_

"_You already did that… and I don't care."_

"…_How positive are you that you'll love being with me?"_

"…_I've never been so happy in my life."_

"… _Fine then, but on one condition."_

"_What's that?"_

* * *

"_Just for today, we're dating; since it's still early, we'll do the stupid things couples do and tomorrow I'll take you to the airport and then and there you can decide whether you wanna stay here and try to be with me, or go off to Germany."_

* * *

They did just that, and the entire time, she was on cloud nine. After bathing and changing into a set of clothes that Kin allowed her to borrow for the day (they really were the same size in most everything), they went out into the public and hung-out. She was nervous that someone she knew or her parents knew would see them hanging out the way they did, but when they entered an area she knew those people would never go to, she felt safe.

Kin took her to a tattoo parlor; the very one she had gone to when she went to get her one and only tattoo. She was anxious going in and as they talked to the tattooed female that would give her, her first tattoo, and she felt like fleeing once she sat down and saw the needle come close to her.

But she was slightly reassured as Kin held her other hand; her right hand was extended for the skilled artist to puncture and mark her skin, permanently.

"_It… it won't hurt too much, right?"_

"_If you can't handle pain, you might wanna use something to cover your mouth, sweetheart." _

"_Don't worry, Sak, I'm right here for you."_

Having Kin there had seemed to make the experience less painful. She suffered and it hurt and she was crying by one point, but she couldn't help but feel that all of it was worth it. In the end of it, when all the extra ink and the blood that emerged was wiped away and she looked at the flower-band tattoo that perfectly matched the one Kin had on her left arm, and the two placed them side-by-side to see the exact resemblance, her heart swelled.

(_This is what happiness feels like… isn't it?_)

A promise between them done in eternal ink…

She felt no regrets.

.

.

.

Later in the day, she was forced to go home. She had realized that there were other things she needed to do that day when she saw just what time it was and everything became clear. She was sad that she had to leave in such a hurry, and while Kin offered to drive her back to her house since they were quite the distance away, she knew that if Kin took her back and her mom saw her, there would be more problems than she liked.

So she accepted the money Kin gave her for a cab, and said a momentary goodbye to her. She would be coming back later that day with her things, and spend the night until Kin drove her to the airport the following morning.

Arriving home, she made sure to hide the tattoo that she had gotten with the large sweater that Kin let her borrow. Luckily, she was kind enough to lend her a pair of jeans that looked like she could own them, and some shoes so that she could go back home looking like herself and not someone else. With her hangover having left a few hours ago, she was as prepared as she could ever be to go back home.

The only thing she wasn't ready for were the spiky-haired boy and the cops that waited for her as she got back.

* * *

"_Mother, Father, what… is going on?"_

Her mother looked furious.

"_Where have you been?! I'm forced to wake-up in the middle of the night to receive a call telling me that not only had you snuck out of the house, but were also dragged off to God knows where by a pair of scantily-clad hooligans! That is __not__ how I raised you, Sakura, you know better than that!"_

Suddenly she understood the whole situation. The spiky-haired boy had gotten mad that she ditched him and made up some fallacy of a story to make sure that when she got back, if ever, there would be nothing but a mountain of problems waiting for her. Oh how she wanted to glare him into his death, but with the presence of her mother, she had to make sure that she was on her best behavior.

"_I know, and that is why I am confused as to why this had to go to such an extent. I did not go-off in the middle of the night. I left early in the morning to—"_

"_Don't __lie to me__, Sakura. If that had been the case and you simply left with no evil intentions, then why was your window left ajar? Hm? The door was locked but the window was open; you snuck out and kept the door locked to make sure that your father and I wouldn't know."_

"_You terrible, terrible daughter. I cannot believe that you would ever do such a thing. Surely Satan, himself, has possessed you and ruined you, you harlot."_

(She was certain there was a time when those words coming out of her mother's mouth would have hurt her; driven a stake through her heart. But after every change that she had gone through, she didn't feel anything. It didn't hurt. It annoyed her, but that was it. Mentally sighing, she listened to her mother rant.)

"_I am not a harlot — I did nothing sexual." _

"_We searched your room and found… this!" _She gestured to a box of sexual toys and clothing. Her eyes widened. Those weren't hers. She never, ever bought something like that, nor was it given to her. So how was—

(_I see… you want to expose me in different ways, don't you, Uchiha?_)

"_I assure you that I never bought them. Why? I do not have the money to purchase such things. You know that. You do not give me an allowance and I do not have a job. To purchase that many things would require a great deal of money; perhaps you should have these officers brush the box for fingerprints and see just __who__ it was that actually bought them? That person may not have to be a criminal, but the very one you would least expect."_

"_I apologize for leaving the house without your knowing, but I grew very anxious for the things that are to come, and needed some fresh air. I left through the window so as not to wake you or Father because of my anxiousness. If you want to put me at fault for caring about your sleep, then so be it. I apologize for causing this situation — excuse me. I need to go pack."_

She tried to leave the room, but the spiky-haired boy would not let her. _"If they're not yours, then why are there pictures around the school with you using them?" _She paused. (_What?_)

"_What pictures?"_

* * *

The world seemed to go to Hell.

As her mother laid eyes on the pictures that were fabricated through the use of Photoshop (she was certain they were, as she had never used toys to pleasure herself, in her life), she had grown furious and the policemen present had to hold her back to keep her mother from coming at her.

Shocked and unsure as to what to do, she ran to her room and did all she could to barricade herself inside. She did her best to secure the door, but knew that it wouldn't hold. She had to leave; she had to get out as soon as possible.

She was glad that she had already fully packed her suitcase with everything that she would take to Germany, weeks prior. It was a small carry-on; leaving behind practically 90% of everything that she owned. She slid the window open and threw it outside. She only exited the room once she had her favorite pillow and the charger of her phone.

(_Damn you Uchiha… Damn you…!_)

He had taken those pictures without her knowing. He had surely taken pictures of the results of them having sex, and used Photoshop to add the sex toys and all that other nonsense that was in the box. She could kill him. She could just color the floor and walls with his blood.

With everything she needed, she wasted no time in grabbing the handle of the luggage and beginning to run down the street. While she had no clue where it was that she was going, she knew that, at minimum, she needed to get to somewhere where she could collect herself and possibly call for… for… Kin. Kin had given her, her number. She'd put it and a picture of her in her cell-phone. Since it was risky to use her cell-phone to do anything, she'd get the number and call using something else.

With Kin there at her side, everything would work out fine. She could stay there for the rest of the day, and hopefully dodge her parents early the next morning if they decided to track her down at the airport and do something.

(_Damn you Uchiha… Damn you!_)

* * *

Kin got there quickly.

She'd called from a payphone in the city park, and it had been the perfect time to do so, as Kin was heading out anyway. With her luggage in the back and her in the front, she found some solace in being in Kin's presence again, and felt safe.

"_So what happened?"_

"_This… __asshole__ told my parents that I had snuck out and went off with, and I quote: scantily-clad hooligans. My mother freaked and then he planted other false evidence that he showed her and things went to Hell."_

"_No offense, but your mom's crazy and that bastard's a little bitch."_

"_None taken — I think so too."_

They drove to Kin's errands, which was getting some more food at the grocery store and then buying some other stuff for her room and the house, and she couldn't help but wonder if that stuff was for her. Did Kin have faith that she would not go to Germany and stay living with her? Because at the moment, that was what she was planning to do. She wanted to stay and live with Kin and be happy. Tomorrow, she was planning on telling her that.

"_What are all these things for?" _She asked as they left the florist with a large set of flowers in pretty vases.

"_I can't tell you yet. You'll learn tomorrow."_

Her heart thumped at the thought that they were for her.

* * *

_Everything after the confrontation at her home seemed perfect. She stayed with Kin throughout the day and after dropping the things off at her house, they continued to spend the day together._

_The magic of that morning didn't end, and every now and then she would look down at her new tattoo, touch it — flinch — and just get this bright smile on her face that Kin commented was one of the most amazing things she'd ever seen. She didn't blush at that comment, but just felt her heart swell more and more. _

_At the end of the day they settled on the couch in her house, cozy and warm among the sheets, and watched a set of movies that were playing in a marathon._

_There was no kissing or sexual touching, but just cuddling with one another and feeling each other's warmth._

_She thought it was the greatest happiness she could ever get._

_But she remembered what Kin said to her when they first met: '__Feel__. Never __think__.' And she knew that she was right in every way, because what she felt was far greater than what she thought it felt like. _

_It was perfectly indescribable._

* * *

.

* * *

The following morning, she felt amazing.

She woke-up in Kin's arms, and was so giddy that she kissed her awake. Kin responded by kissing her back, and they would have gone further and done more if it weren't for the fact that Kin still believed that she was going off to Germany, and she had to play along with her until her surprise at the end.

She got dressed in the set of clothes that she'd picked out and put in the front pocket of her suitcase, did her hair in a simple ponytail, and made sure to keep the façade going. With Kin driving her to the airport, she kept staring at her tattoo, which felt much, much better than it had yesterday, and continued to smile at it because she knew that if she looked at Kin and spoke to her in that moment, she would honestly spill the fact that she wasn't going and that would ruin the whole purpose of doing it at the airport and not at the house.

They got there and she stood by the check-in with her passport and bag in hand. She stared at the board that stated the flights that were departing and arriving, and if they were on time or late, and she saw that her flight to Germany was on time.

It was a shame she'd never get on it.

"_So… I guess this is it, huh, Sak?" _

She could barely contain the excitement inside of her as Kin started to say her goodbye, and triggered the final scene for her to make the big reveal.

"_I… guess so."_

Was she smiling? She hoped she wasn't smiling and actually looked sad about leaving.

"_It sucks, too. I had a real nice time with you."_

"_Same…"_

Kin sighed. _"Ah well…" _She began to scratch her head and look everywhere but at her. She felt a smile want to break out on her face; a little more. A little more and she could tell Kin that she wasn't leaving and she can run into her arms as though she had just come back from a flight in Germany. _"To think I just saw you again after all these years and now you're leaving…"_

"_I know — it's an awful situation."_

Kin let out a deep puff of air.

"_Well, I don't wanna make you late to get on your flight. This airport security check-in is a real pain in the ass. I hope to see you once again when you come back, Sak, if you ever do. See ya."_ Kin smiled at her sadly and lifted a hand in goodbye. Since her back was turned to her, she finally broke out in a smile and let her walk a few steps before finally opening her mouth to call out her name.

"_Kin!"_

She stopped mid-call. That call just now, it wasn't her.

Looking for it, she found a girl that was running in their direction, with a big and bright smile on her face and luggage in her hands. From the tags that she could spot on the luggage, it was clear that she had just come back from somewhere, as they didn't give those tags until someone checked-in.

The tags were also foreign; this could be told from the flag that she could see printed on them.

"_Kin! Kin!" _The girl let her luggage go and let it fall on the floor. She then jumped into Kin's arms and began to hug her to death. She stood there confused as to their interaction. What was going on? Who was this girl?

The kiss that she planted on Kin's lips, and the look on her face as she whispered things into Kin's ear, made her draw a conclusion that she hoped — prayed — wasn't the case.

Finally she took notice of her and the girl (with large purple eyes and black hair that was dyed with rainbow streaks in it and styled in a long braid, and a beautiful body that was much more seductive than her own that was showed off quite nicely in the dress and flat designer sandals that she wore) removed herself slightly from Kin and began to address her indirectly.

"_Ah! Is this the girl you said were dropping off today, Kin?" _She asked her.

"_Aa." _Kin responded. And she turned to look at her with a look of hesitance and sadness in her eyes, that she was certain the girl could not see. _"This is my friend Sakura. Sakura, this is my girlfriend Y—"_

* * *

(_Girl…friend...? She has a… girl…friend?_

_A close friend that's a girl or… a girl that she's dating…?_

_T-they're not dating… right? This is a mistake, right? This girl is just Kin's friend who happened to be female, right? She and Kin haven't been dating this entire time, right? Right?!_

_RIGHT?!_)

* * *

She felt so hollow inside.

Looking at the girl more and the way she spoke and acted as she greeted her, and then said things like, _"Ah, so this is the 'Sakura' that you're always talking about. It's a great pleasure to meet you, Sakura-san. You really left an impression on Kin all those years ago."_ Hurt her.

She left an impression on Kin, huh?

Apparently, it was only good enough to get a tattoo — it wasn't good enough to make her stay single until they met again.

"_R-really? Haha! I'm glad — she __certainly__ left an impression on me." _She was surprised that she could even speak, and she was certain that she sounded like a bitch. But it was the best she could muster at the moment, after having her heart crushed.

"_She didn't do anything mean or nasty to you, right?" _

"_Who? Kin? Of course not. She's one of the best things to ever happen to me."_

As she felt herself begin to get sentimental and angry at the situation, she decided that she needed to leave as quickly as possible. She had to get out of that situation before she broke down and caused a scene.

If not for her, then for her sanity.

"_I wish I could stay and talk, but I really need to get to my flight. It was a pleasure meeting you." _She refused to say her name. _"It was nice seeing you again after all these years, Kin… Bye."_

* * *

Her seat on the plane was at the very back.

She had gone through the motions of checking-in and waiting, and then boarding the plane with her mind blank. She was scared to think. If she began to think, then her attention would surely go to the crushed (destroyed, obliterated, defeated, broken) feeling in her heart.

Walking there, her head stayed low until she got to the last two seats on the right side of the plan. She was putting her luggage up when she froze.

"_What…" _She didn't finish her sentence; the shock keeping her from asking just _why the hell_ was the spiky-haired boy there?

"_Put your stuff away and then we can talk." _While normally she would be infuriated at him and demand an explanation before she did _anything_, she felt that she no longer had the energy for that today, and did as he said.

She put her luggage in the overhead apartment and sat down in her seat, which was right next to him.

* * *

"_I decided to go to Germany and study business. My father suggested it, and after learning that you were going as well, I felt that there was more than enough reason to go. The university is the same one you'll be going to, so we can see each other every day."_

"_You thought I would let you escape that easily?"_

* * *

He easily took notice of her lack of response, and the look in her eyes told him all that he needed to know. Something had happened to do this to her, because at the moment, the usually tough Sakura was vulnerable. If he wanted, he could get her to agree to anything — _anything_.

* * *

"…_You'll be living with me while we're there."_

"_Okay."_

"_You'll later marry me."_

"_Okay."_

"_You'll bear all my children — as many as I want."_

"_Okay."_

"_You'll never leave me."_

"_Okay."_

"_You'll obey my every word and order."_

"_Okay."_

"…_And you'll get rid of that hideous tattoo. A woman of the Uchiha Family would never scar her body like that."_

_._

_._

_._

"_Okay."_

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

Yep. That's it. Not as few words as I had wanted it to be, but I think it's a perfect epilogue. I hope I was able to capture the feeling of wanting something so badly but unable to reach it, because there are other things in the way. In all honesty, this chapter has to be my favorite in the entire Sexuality series, as it a rather emotional and turbulent piece.

This properly kicks-off a set of one-shots and two-shots that I'll be publishing this mid-winter break that gives me a week off of school. Look forward to them, and thanks for reading.

~Chibi


End file.
